


nobody knows what I see

by benditlikepress



Category: NCIS
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode Tag, Episode: s10e07 Shell Shock part II, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23429011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benditlikepress/pseuds/benditlikepress
Summary: How Tony's boarding school photograph came to be tucked into Ziva's computer monitor after Shell Shock
Relationships: Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	nobody knows what I see

**Author's Note:**

> title is from harvey by her’s, beautiful souls taken too soon <3

When it became clear things were a little too crowded at the crime scene with the increasingly invasive presence of local LEOs, Ziva had been more than happy to volunteer to come back to the office to begin looking into the victim’s background.

She had learned a long time ago not to expect to enjoy holidays in this line of work, but even for them a 5am wake-up call the morning after Thanksgiving had been a little much. The car journey back to the Navy yard was hell – seas of manic shoppers taking advantage of a tradition Ziva had never quite been able to grasp. Why was it that people forgot how to drive around the holidays?

Compared to the rabbles outside the quiet of the office was bliss. Ziva sat at her desk, sinking into the seat and untie-ing her hair while she waited for the computer to start.

As she tipped her head back to shake out her curls, her eyes caught sight of something on top of the pile of files in the corner of her desk. Tony's boarding school photograph, facing towards her. She picked it up and ran her finger over the boy’s face, smiling at his glasses and the ridiculous haircut that he had been so quick to try and defend.

She had joked about him being a homely child but she found herself wondering now how he really had been at that age - how much of his personality was inherent and how much he had built up over the years, curating the way he was seen to the world in the same way she had always done. Hiding truth behind jokes and bravado. Not so much anymore.

She tucked the photo into the corner of her computer monitor. She didn’t put much thought into the action until it was done, the young boy watching her. He had been on her mind more than she would usually like to admit in the last week.

It was obvious he had been jealous about what he interpreted as her organising a date for the opera. She hadn’t realised it would get under his skin as much as it did, though, and a part of her felt guilty for not telling him the truth sooner considering he had been so candid with her about his mother only a couple of days before.

She knew it was significant to him – to share that part of himself with someone, something he usually kept so guarded. Something nobody else ever got to see. She knew he would understand about Tali, even if it may have seemed ridiculous to anyone else for her to feel so guilty about not being able to go to the opera. She hadn’t expected him to do what he did, though.

It wasn’t often he left her speechless, but it seemed to be happening more and more in the past year or so.

There was very little opportunity to properly thank him at Gibbs' house when they met for a chaotic, busy dinner, barely managing more than a kiss to his cheek that seemed to baffle him more than anything. She had been thinking of something to do to display her gratitude but had been coming up blank so far. A gesture akin to the one he had done for her was likely to only serve to embarrass him further, but then she’d lain in bed Thanksgiving night and remembered an old, battered French copy of The Little Prince that she had bought from a garage sale when she first learned about them upon arrival in the States and had attended one with a childish fascination.

She could barely remember touching it in the years since – the spine battered and the front cover fading, but she hoped the meaning behind her giving it to him would not be lost on him.

His reaction yesterday still on her mind she had resolved to place it somewhere for him to find when he was alone – less likely to try to play it off. She did a cursory glance of the bullpen to check it was still empty before pulling the book out from her bag and approaching his desk. She wrote a quick note on a post-it; thanking him, again, and saying in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t allowed to try and return it to her. She stuck the note to the front cover and then flicked open to the front page, reading the message in curved black ink she had written the previous night.

**_For Tony -_ **

**_“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly. That which is essential is invisible to the eye.”_ **

**_Ziva_ **

She placed it quickly in his top drawer – on top of his wallet, which she knew he would go to pick up before he went home tonight.

On her way back to her desk she stopped off to release the CD Tony had played for her yesterday to retrieve it. She had been almost in a daze when she’d left the office last night – barely processing the realities of the situation and it hadn’t occurred to her until she got home that it was still in McGee’s computer. She held the disc on her finger, feeling the pressure of the edge against her skin as she thought about Tali and wondered what she would say if she was here now. She’d think Ziva overly sentimental for doing something like this, she was certain. And Ziva had no doubts about what she’d say about Tony’s gesture, the way her face would light up and she would grab Ziva’s hand and ask her for details. Tali had always been desperate to hear about Ziva’s love life, she remembered with a wry grin.

The thoughts stuck in her mind as she began developing a background on the victim they’d found that morning. Perhaps it distracted her more than she realised, because when she checked the time when Tony walked in she was shocked to see half an hour had passed.

“Hey.”

“Where are the others?”

“Going to speak to the victim’s family – about 30 seconds after you left his phone started ringing. Wife.”

“Then I suppose they will not need me to inform them he was married.” Ziva streamlined the notes she was making.

Tony dumped his bag next to his desk and then looked around it as though he’d lost something. Her gaze flicked guiltily to the photograph she’d now procured.

“Looking for something?”

“Thought I left my wallet.”

“Sorry, I have not seen it.” She managed to play it off as casual, and he didn’t seem to smell a rat.

“Huh. Must have left it in the car, I’ll check when we go downstairs. You alright?”

“Hm?” Ziva looked back up from her monitor, registering the faux-casual way he was trying to look at her. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“OK. You couldn’t get out of there fast enough – I wondered if you were still.. well. I know this week is difficult.”

“I am fine, Tony, thank you. It wasn’t that. I just did not get much sleep last night, and the sheriff’s deputy was starting to test my patience.”

“Ah, yeah. He’s a card.”

“A what?”

“A card. Strange.”

“That is putting it politely.” Ziva shuddered at the thought of his unnerving smile and the crass comments he’d made about the position of the victim’s body. As Tony went to sit down Ziva called out to stop him, holding the Puccini disc out across her desk. “I actually wanted to return this to you."

"Keep it." He began walking towards her anyway. He sat down on the edge of her desk, the opposite side to her computer. He didn’t seem to notice the photograph, too intent looking at her.

"Are you sure? I wondered if you had borrowed it from somewhere, or.."

"It's for you."

"Tony.."

"What?"

They were both a little nervous and maybe it was residual from the vulnerability they had both shown recently; trying to readjust their relationship to include these things about themselves.

"I did not want to embarrass you at Gibbs' last night. But I really need to say thank you. And don't-" She began when he went to interrupt. "-don't say it is not a big deal. It may not be, to you, but it meant more to me than I think I can put into words right now."

“It was a big deal, I know that. Maybe not for me to do it, but it was for you. I’m glad I could be of help.”

“It was thoughtful. _You_ are thoughtful. That you would take what I said to heart and try to fix it…” Ziva trailed off and smiled at his expression. “I just wanted to say I appreciated it.”

“No problem. See it as an apology.”

“An apology for what?”

"I'm sorry if.. well, it was something private for you and I kinda stuck my oar in on the stakeout. It wasn't any of my business.”

"You don’t need to apologise for that. You were not to know.”

“I didn’t mean to pry.”

“You did.” Ziva responded quickly, though there was a small smile on her face.

“OK, I did. But I didn’t realise.”

“I know what you were thinking. And as I said, there is no funny veterinarian.”

“Good to know.” Tony’s response was conversational but the possible extra meaning it could have was not lost on either of them and an awkward beat of laughter passed.

Ziva watched his eyes land on the photograph, tucked in the corner of her screen. Saw his expression change - a hint of a confused frown tinged with amusement that almost immediately turned back into an unexpected smile.

"Um," he began to talk a second too soon, his brain fighting to catch up. Uncharacteristically flustered. "We need to go. Victim’s workplace. You coming?"

She took her time gathering her things and standing up to join him, acutely aware of his eyes following every movement she made. They fell into step in sync as they walked to the elevators.

The doors had barely closed when Ziva wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in tightly for a hug. He didn't hesitate to respond, one hand on her waist and the other rising to cradle her head, fingers grasping in her hair. She didn't realise she had been on her tip toes until she pulled back and caught herself eye-to-eye, surprise and something else lingering on his face.

She kissed his cheek like she had done at Gibbs' place but this time, in private without the sounds of laughter and conversation, she dared herself to linger before pulling away. Her gaze flicked down to his open lips but before she could contemplate her next move the elevator began to come to a stop.

Both of them in unison turned their heads to the buttons, to the 'stop', and shared smiles of acknowledgement passed between them as they refrained from pulling the switch and waited as the doors dinged and an IT technician entered. Ziva stepped to the side, forcing Tony to follow her to allow room for him.

"Happy Thanksgiving."

"And you. Did you have a good day?"

"Oh yeah. Spent it with the folks, you know."

"Of course. How nice."

“You?”

“Yes, thank you. We went to Agent Gibbs’ for dinner.”

“Sweet. Well, have a good one.”

The technician exited the elevator two floors down and Tony and Ziva waited for the doors to close themselves.

"You know that guy?"

"I have never seen him before in my life."

Tony began laughing, the kind that lit up his face and crinkled in his eyes in a way that Ziva felt in her stomach. The doors soon opened again and they walked out of the building towards the car park, air more settled between them.

“Tony.”

“What?”

“Your wallet is in your top desk drawer.”

“How d’you know?”

“I put something in there for you. Wait until tonight before you go to retrieve it.”

“Why?”

“It is a token of my gratitude. The kind that will make you bashful in spite of yourself.”

“ _Bashful?_ I’m not bashful.”

“Never, I am sure. Not even when you had that haircut and glasses, hm?”

“Well, someone seemed to like it.”

Ziva turned to catch Tony’s eye and there was a mischievous grin on his face. She didn’t respond other than to chuckle lightly to herself.

“This gift – is it gonna be something I’ll refuse to accept?”

“You do not have a choice in the matter. It has no sentimental value to me – it would mean more to me knowing I had given it to you.”

“Huh. OK. But no promises.”

They reached Tony’s car and Ziva heard it unlock but he didn’t move to get in, instead pausing over the roof to watch her.

“What?”

“Just trying to psych myself up. If that deputy’s there I might have to copy your lead and bail.”

“We are professionals, we can survive one hour with him.”

“Rich coming from you after you pulled a Houdini.”

“I was up late last night thinking of a gift for you. What’s your excuse?”

Tony didn't respond, the two of them poised resting their arms on top of the car. She waited for him to challenge her but instead he ducked his head with a laugh.

"Just get in the car, Ziva." His voice was quiet and relenting, a smile on his face as he tapped the roof and opened the door.


End file.
